Life goes on...

Everything has happened and nothing has happened. I haven't been on my blog since I wrote about my mom. It is always amazing to me that everyday things occur, even when you are hurting. I realize that sounds naive, it just is----amazing.

As a Christian, I believe that this life is temporary. To put into "Baltimore Catechism" terms,"...we are on this earth to know, love and serve God and to be forever with Him in Heaven." Well, you get the meaning. Because of the "sin" of Adam and Eve", (that's a whole different story), we have sin and suffering. I guess that's why,( coming into this world, "birth canal", come on), and going out is so painful. Remove all sentiments and feelings, death is a good thing. Actually a very good thing since our "after life" is so long, eternity? In Sr. Cunnagunda's words,"...if you take ONE grain of sand" and something, something (hey, I wasn't listening) This is getting way too philosophical anyway. Life does go on.

September 11 anniversary came and went. The terror was remembered, but not in the way we experienced it on that dreadful day. The "little boys" had soccer and football games---lost one and won one, and life went on. The teen girls had games, homework, dance, and life went on. I had a class to teach, art play, and meals to fix and life went on. Keith had work with John, growth group meetings, attendance at above activities, and life went on.

My mom is still dying, my dad is still trying to help mom, and Mary Ellen goes there daily to help in all ways she can. We talk, every day and until I get the inevitable phone call to come, life goes on.

heartache

I'm not so old that I do not remember what a "broken heart" is. It is the crushes that go wrong when you first start noticing the boys. The high school sweetheart, for some at least, who "breaks your heart..." Well, I think you get the drift.

My Mom lives in Michigan, where we were raised and where we raised our families before moving west. We saw my parent's at least yearly, for a winter visit. Two years ago, Mom says that they won't be coming this year "...cuz we/re just getting too old". I haven't been able to travel because of some health issues, so I have not seen my parents in a long time. The phone kept us somewhat in touch...and time passes.

2010 my mom is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. (She has out lived all of her family at 85 years of age. ) And what a sentence. This disease is often called one in which the family suffers, as the "patient" is more and more unaware of their surroundings. When mom called me Fern I wasn't that upset, tho' I did remember Fern is the sister she did not get along with. At that time there were so many lucid moments that a few not knowing who or where was forgivable.

Today I learned from my sister/saint Mary that there is a possibility of calling "hospice" in if she doesn't start eating. Now, we all know what "hospice" means. (sort of like calling the priest for Extreme Unction in the old days) You always wanted to wait to be certain the person was REALLY going to die. Mom mostly sleeps now and occasionally knows Mary. I am 2000 miles away and am trying to somehow digest all of this and wonder what and if I should go.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that my mom and me had a somewhat violable relationship. I am not sure why but we both had to be right and wanted all of the people around us to take our side. When I would realize how silly this was---I would write notes, (especially when I was younger) to tell her how sorry I was. This is maybe that note to her.

Mom,

I am so sorry to be so far away. I wish I could be more of a help, especially for Mary. I wish I could sit at your feet and you would stroke my hair and tell me how much you love me. Instead I am stuck on a rewind in my head of EVERY DISAGREEMENT we have ever had. In that respect, I am almost grateful that you are unaware of your memories. Pleas take a somewhat recent one where we were at Traverse City and you and I went back to the cottage together. I don't recall our conversation but I do recall laughing and being happy that I was with you. I have tried to hold that memory in these days of hearing your struggle.

I have always believed that God knew who our parents were...and so, no matter any disagreements in life, You were the MOM He gave me. Thanks for all you have done---and even for what you have NOT DONE. Somehow in that mixed up mind PLEASE know that I love you and I pray for a peaceful departing of this step of your journey into the next. Oh, and mom, all your tears will be washed away into laughter and you can run to your Mom's arms.

risk taker-------------not in art

What a week this has been. My sleep is still messed up, so...................I got on the computer at an odd hour,and it brought me courage to share some of my paintings. You would think with these sleep habits gone astray I would DO some painting, but I sent odd ones already done, hanging in the house. I started with my favorite...Isiah 49. I painted this in acrylic when I was in a bad time in my life. Well, comparatively speaking, not THAT bad, but it has become one of my favorites. I rarely work in acrylics, except in collage work, so it is probably the only one I will do. It was done first in dark colors and it looked like a hand coming out of hell. I redid it in softer colors and we can sleep at night with it in our room. I'm getting off track...

I am not even sure how I stumbled onto this site: www.paintingsilove.com (artist, Geo) I timidly offered this painting to the site. Imagine my proud moment when I checked in the morning, and another artist had critiqued my work! It was a simple one liner---but oh it was beautiful!!!!!! Bonus that she was from the UK, where some of the oldest art comes from.

Well-----------------I thought if THAT was OK, then I would send some others. What an absolute blast to be on a site with so many gifted artists, with all kinds of mediums. I'm afraid it has really created a monster! But wait---maybe I'll paint that "feeling"!!!!!!

Hugs,

Geo

Notebooks, markers, crayons...

Wow, I just wrote about the kids out of school, and already...when I was in Walmart, they had all of their school supplies out. I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR---might I say---KEITH HATES THIS TIME OF YEAR. He is certain that I had NO school supplies when I was young. Compared to the stuff out there now----I DIDN'T. I love picking out new pens and markers and folders. The composition books are so cheap, I need a dozen. (you never know when you might want to alter it for a journal) Oh, those zippered bags, have to have one in each color, and erasers, four different kinds , colored pencils---have to be water soluble---I could go on and on---------------------but-------------------------------I have to get over to Chico's to get my school clothes!!!

tooth fairy

Does the tooth fairy come to old people? Seems I had a tooth decay beneath the crown which had to be extracted. A couple of injections---twist and shout (me) and the tooth is out. Why did I not find any money under my pillow??? Instead I handed the money out to the "specialist"----$300.00. I feel he should have only charged half that price as it was very loose by the time I got to him. So he sewed a couple of stitches---.



Why do kids hang onto this magical belief the longest??? I think I get it---it has to do with money!!!!

Past and future

Time for the closing activities for school. Band concerts; choral groups; sports banquets; cheer and pom try-outs and banquets; Lancer dancers and Excalibur tryouts---well you get the picture. I was wanting to do something for Abigail and Kate to celebrate. Abs tried out and made Varsity cheer at Vista High School; Kate made Lancer Dancer at Carlsbad High School. As you can see I decided to make photo holders with their school colors. It wasn't till I wrote thier year of graduation down that I realized Abigail is in the race for graduation (junior) and Kate right behind her (sophomore). In a cliche---where has the time gone???? I know exactly what I was doing as I awaited the BIRTH of each of the girls. The joy was shared (I think) by my co workers at CIGNA peds in Chandler, AZ. So much has changed since then. I now live in Oceanside (NEVER liked the heat) and I am able to attend all these activities, without taking a SW flight. I can help when they need to "borrow" something for their plays; I can go to the boys (they weren't even a thought then) soccer games. But wait, I'm getting off track. As I look at both girls, of course they reflect their beautiful moms, but they also have developed into their own selves. Each of them have a poise beyond their age and a look so fresh and young...They have come a long way from family "shows" in the dining room, but every once in awhile I see them wanting to return where life was simpler. They accomplish this by watching "Pocahontas" together, holding hands and YES, Abbi still cries when Captain Smith leaves. Ahhh, the good old days. 2012 and 2013 USED TO sound futuristic. Not any more!!!

Janey Cutler - Britain's Got Talent 2010 - Auditions Week 4

I am certain America has talent...but why is it that Gr. Britain has the talent we all admire and want to be??? I have thought about that and I wonder if it is because we in the states are so all consumed with appearances, and therefore would never take the chance of "making a fool of our self" unless we were a size six, gorgeous hair style, and "drop dead outfit" on. Maybe it is time to let go of some of that nonsense and appreciate who we are...where we are (in age that is)